New York, April 2007 - Day Six

TODAY: "Curtains"

"Curtains" comes from the same songwriting team (Kander and Ebb) that created two wonderful musicals: "Cabaret" and "Chicago." They began writing it about 20 years ago -- and should have stopped writing it 19 years ago.

It's not that I hated the show... but it was awful nonetheless. It was like a musical being staged within a Christopher Guest movie, the one the actors don't realize is uninspired dreck, yet give themselves over wholly to their performances. Unfortunately, I don't think this cast has the comfort of ignorance. I think they're all too good and too experienced not to realize this show is, at its heart, a lead box filled with forced joy, from which there is no escape (at least contractually).

The songs are forgettable, done in mostly by the lack of cleverness in the lyrics. (The lyricist half of the team, Fred Ebb, died in 2004, clearly before he could finish his work -- or perhaps even begin it.) They all have a first-thing-that-comes-to-mind sort of flavor to them. "Thataway...hmmm...throw your hat away? That works. What's next?" The script is clunky and both obvious and obtuse at the same time -- which is tough to do. There must have been half a dozen times where a line was delivered, fell flat and I instantly thought -- "you know, if you'd phrased it this way..."

Then there was the profanity. I don't have a problem with blue language (I think "Deadwood" is one of the best bits of drama ever), but it needs to serve a purpose. Profanity can have the ability to heighten a line or punctuate a point -- but not here. Here it almost always falls flat and sounds forced.

David Hyde Pierce, to his credit, is quite funny. In fact, I don't think the faults of this show can in any way be blamed on the cast. They are the innocent victims in this debacle. We can only pray for an early close and wonderful new jobs for them all. Especially Edward Hibbert, who does his usually wonderful bitchy comic turn.

The bridge and tunnel crowd seemed to have a good time, and that, combined with David Hyde Pierce's star power, will probably keep the show open for a year or so. But no matter how long they keep these curtains up -- turn away.

TOMORROW: "Inherit the Wind" "Losing Something"

PHOTO: The very crowded 4 train, 3:30 this afternoon, near the Union Square station, just before the guy with the dreads threatened to break the neck of the man with the glasses. ("Go ahead," the guy in the glasses said, "you'll look good in handcuffs." "Yeah, but I'll get to fuck you up first," Dreads replied. "That would make it worth it. That would turn me on."