Anybody home?

I know, I've been away, possums. It's been almost a week since you've had anything new from me and I just couldn't let you wait any longer.

Unfortunately, I don't have anything terribly interesting to say. (You cynics can keep your "so what else is new?" to yourselves, thanks very much.) However, in keeping with the masthead which promises comments on "politics, theater, culture, golf," I'll give you a short something on all four.

Politics: I could care less if John McCain played around with a lobbyist. People who aspire to be the most powerful person in the world have a lot on their shoulders. If they need a bit on the side, I say fine. That's their business. I don't want him as president (but mainly because of what it would mean for the Supreme Court), but what he does for giggles is his business. As long as it helps him lead better.

Theater: Last show I saw was "Mormon American Princess." A one-man show by Steven Fales, who previously did "Confessions of a Mormon Boy. That was interesting. This, on the other hand, was awful, on so many levels. Unimaginative, repetitive, self-absorbed (you're supposed to care about the AUDIENCE, Steven, not yourself -- that's what makes a true performer, they GIVE of themselves) and emotionally hollow.

That opening number was exceptionally bad. All he did was plug the word "Mormon" into 40 different Broadway tunes: "Oh What a Beautiful Mormon," "Everything's Coming Up Mormon," "Some Enchanted Mormon." It was mind-numbingly awful. And that "rap" number he attempted was pathetic. And a capella, no less. He could at least have tried a drum machine or played a tape of a rhythm track.

The show needs MAJOR help. First, he needs a writer. Then a director. And they better both be REALLY good if they want to salvage anything from this mess.

Culture: Have you used the new soap dispensers in public restrooms that deliver pre-suds soap? I hate them. I like the sense of satisfaction that comes from working up a lather. Our culture is simply trying to do too much for us.

Golf: Tiger. Who else? I wanted to watch the Accenture Match Play Championship, but I've been outrageously busy the past few days (and will be over the weekend) so I couldn't/can't -- but from what I read, he's been his usual amazing self.

Make this last. Can't say when I'll be back.